There is NO need for 3+ types of dressing
You can ask for the salt if you want…
No one really knows who “Uncle Henry” is but he’s been around at least 10 years so you roll with it.
If no one has ever seen you cook before- you’re better off buying or ordering.
Asking who made what is always a sure way to start a fight.
Chitterlings will always smell- there’s nothing you can do about it.
Never eat anything the host won’t eat. If they don’t trust it in their home, don’t trust it in your stomach.
Pumpkin and Sweet Potato pie are not the same…
Anything from a box will not be considered from scratch.
If you can’t walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent.
BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don’t let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again!
Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. Those little bail jumpers will be escorted to the front porch until you return, and if not in a timely fashion can be picked up from the nearest CPS office.
You don’t want to eat on paper plates? Feel free to do the dishes. I don’t care for momma’s “special plates,” which we use only twice a year. I’m not washing even a spoon!
When I say buy Kool-Aid, I mean real Kool-Aid. If there isn’t a smiling pitcher on the package, I will not be smiling!
If you show up with anything Christmas-related, you will be denied entry. We don’t discuss Christmas until after 11:59 p.m. on Thanksgiving!
If you bring a surprise guest, be prepared to share your plate with them.
If you were asked to bring, drinks, plastic ware or ice- it was for a reason, follow instruction.
This is not the time or place to reveal you’ve dropped out of school, gotten pregnant or get engaged, don’t be an attention whore.
“I’m thankful I won’t see you guys until next year”