Dear Houseguest(s)

SOME RULES- because apparently not everyone was taught how to be a houseguest (yes, you should have been taught)


If you give a deadline, (example) “I just need to crash for 2 weeks” have your a** out by the deadline!! Unless you have severe reason to extend, and proof of that reason needs to be offered, then you need to get gone!

You get NO “privileges”. No appointed TV time, don’t record your shows on my DVR, no you can’t expect people to wait because you like to be the first to take a shower.

You do not get more than A  (ONE, SINGLE, UNO, UN) plate’s worth of space in the fridge.

CLEAN UP- it is an expectation of you to clean up behind yourself, but here is where things get fuzzy for some of you bums. The people you are staying with want THIER house to be maintained at THEIR level of comfort for cleanliness. You may be okay not cleaning the tub after use, leaving hair/make up/ or piling clothes in the corner… Take a look around and see how they maintain and follow suit. Does it make you uncomfortable? Good! GET OUT!

Don’t unplug a damn thing to plug up anything of yours unless you’ve asked first.

Ask for permission before inviting any guests of your own- they barely want you there, let alone your sidekicks.

Supply the house with necessities that YOU too are using- toilet paper, bottled water, paper products, cleaning supplies.

Contribute to the financial burden of having a place for your bum butt to even be crashing at. Just having 4 walls, a roof & floor costs money. Do they have heat in the winter?- Not free. Lights turn on when you hit the switch? – Not Free.

Don’t even go near their alcohol. Don’t.

Personal space- having you in their house is already an inconvenience, they’re trying to make you comfortable, adjust their family, change their patterns, please let these people breathe. Don’t ask what are “we” doing tonight, where are “we” going for dinner, tag along during their outings.

Do not eat/drink the last of anything you didn’t buy.

Keep the common areas clean- don’t leave sh*t in the family room, den, living room, kitchen, bathroom, dining room, man cave anywhere someone other than you has to go needs to be neutral. Get your sh*t up, because anything I trip over, I toss out.

Unless you’re going to work, when the house goes down at night- do not come creeping in or out after everyone is sleep.

YOU are enough, lets talk about that dog/cat, kid, bf/gf we didn’t know would be here too…

GET A JOB!!!If you can’t find one, then double up on allllll the household chores, your new job is the upkeep maintenance of the home. Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, walking Fido, cut the grass- all you, this is your job now. What you cannot do is help run up the bills and not pay or earn your keep.

Say Thank you!! No one had to put up with you, send a gift, treat them to dinner, something to show you’re grateful for them housing you. This way, if you’re ever homeless again, you might have somewhere to stay.


If you have anymore, list them in the comment section. What are some (unwritten( rules to being a houseguest?


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