You Forgot Your Common Sense

Okay you bruised fruit, some of you need help on going on dates period, but especially the nerve wrecking first date.

Women will respect an ambitious man, but not an arrogant one. Act confident, interested, engaged, self-assured, ambitious, and happy. We like that. Thanks. Sit up straight, lean in closer, and keep your hands where we can see them.

A simple rule to abide by: you should be at your appointed meeting place five minutes early and assume she’ll be five minutes late. If you want to impress her, don’t make her sit alone at a bar waiting for you.

Open the door for her (car, restaurant… and eventually, your apartment), do not walk in front of her, and for heaven’s sake, do not clean your ears, nails or suck your teeth in her presence.When walking down the street put her inside of the sidewalk, meaning you should be closest to the curb, stand when she stands to leave or returns to the table. Neglecting to make small gestures like these probably won’t ruin your changes with her completely, but when you do, we notice. We appreciate it. We feel a little special. And you score brownie points.

Stop asking all those damn questions! The first date is not the time to practice your ability to learn from Law & Order.What do you do for a living?”, “What are your kids / parents like?”, “What do you like to do for fun?  “What happened to your last bf” or “When was your last relationship” Congratulations you’ve just put yourself on a comparison chart.

Instead  talk (there is a difference between a conversation and being interrogated) about likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, dreams, and unfulfilled promises should serve as the perfect setup. LISTEN the things you are told can & will be used against you in future conversations.

Location, location, location: Pick 2 or 3 places to go then ask for her suggestion or preference. This proves you took the initiative and thought into picking a place but also can respect her opinion and not just leading her into the dark. Do not take any girl to your “usual”, appearing to be “the man” who is known is not a good idea.

Look, we understand,men don’t carry purses, and having to sit down with a hockey-puck-sized phone in your pocket is uncomfortable.Try to keep it out of sight all together, but if you need to plop it on the table, silence it and put it face-down.  Another important piece of cell phone etiquette to keep in mind: if you have to take a call, apologize before you do. Don’t hold your finger up to silence her; she’s not a dog.

Everything should not be laced with irony, sarcasm or dry humor.While on first dates, some women cannot help but feel like they are the targets of the jokes, so try not to make everything a punch line, all this comes across as is you’re trying too hard. Turn off.

Use flattery wisely: beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, sexy, cute all nice things to be called, but lay them on too frequent it just proves 1) You’ve forgotten or chosen to disregard her name or 2) you don’t see anything past her physical appearance. 

Keep your hands to yourself!!! . Don’t go slithering your creep hands all over her. Even if it’s clear that you’re really feeling each other, subtlety is key. Limit contact to arms, shoulders, back and, if you’re really feeling the vibes, the five inches or so on the top of her thigh, right above her knee. Even if she slides closer, remember you’re trying to date not pick up a $2 hoe on $.50 cent night.

Please pay, or at least offer to pay: Feminism,who?. Take care of the bill without comment. That is what we want. Wave off any offer to go dutch. We lied. We don’t want to pay half. There, the truth.

What to wear: no t shirts, sweat pants, pajama pants, flip flops You don’t need to wear a suit and tie unless you’re going somewhere that has $200 a plate and dress code.It wouldn’t hurt to brush your teeth, get a haircut and put on something that has buttons,dust off your ‘big boy’, church or court shoes, and be semi-casual.

Do not ask for a hug or kiss, remember creep hands to yourself, when saying goodnight if she wants to hug or kiss you, she will.

Phrases to avoid, because women don’t believe them anyway: “I’m not a player.” “I don’t play games.” “I don’t lie.””I work out everyday.” “I’m between jobs.”