Relationships don’t change, people do

You hear a lot of people (primarily women) say “what you did to get it, you have to do to keep it”. So first of all, until you’ve said “I do” -you’re single, & until that day happens you are dating a representative! I say that because often people get upset because the person they were dating changes, well, that’s because they no longer have to impress, pretend or present you with a picture perfect image. If you were fun, supportive, hardworking for your relationship in the beginning, it is required throughout.  Simple, why would someone who thought they we’re getting one thing stay  for you to become someone else? For that matter they can just be with another person!

Its much like having a job, your ambition, hard work, going above and beyond will land you the job and promotions. When you stop doing those things, you stop being promoted and potentially get fired. When you’re dating, you try new things (even if you don’t want to), stay up late, knowing you have to be up early, find a way to budget money for gifts… ect. It becomes a norm, a part of who you are to the other person, so to stop means you were a bit of a liar/fake using these things to lure them in.

Often times one person will talk down on the other & never wants to admit to their having any part in becoming someone different as well. Remember the representative, that lured you in?- you had one too! Fact of the matter is, if you find yourself becoming irritated, turned off, or feeling like you’re with someone else, accept its because those things are true. What /who you had gotten used to isn’t around anymore. After you’ve done, that figure out what role you played in their change, be it good or bad when you’re in a relationship you function as a unit. You either praise or criticize their actions. Go back to your representative for some pointers & traits you can carry out into the everyday relationship so its not a totally different person being portrayed.

It takes two people for a relationship to change for good or for bad. If you find you’re significant other isn’t as fun, well you find something to bring the fun back. We have more power than we’d like to take credit for in how relationships work. Once you’re together it doesn’t mean stop being who you were, it means you merge the two together and continue to grow together.  So ladies, whatever you did to get that ring, you need to continue to do, because the reality is a divorce is possible (50% of marriages end in divorce possibly). (sorry, that was harsh) Even if he’s not treating you the way he used to, try changing yourself, views and actions first (because those are things you can control) see if you’re new attitude doesn’t spark him to realize why you got the ring in the first place, maybe YOU stopped doing something?! (oh, y’all didn’t want to hear that I know) Then if you realize you’re doing everything you used to and he did change, bring it up, tell him you miss the way he used to be and things that used to be done, if that doesn’t work- seek counsel.

Remember this, effort expresses interest.




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  1. This was an excellent post and I definitely appreciate the read. For most people as you’ve mentioned don not like to look @ themselves as an issue in the relationship when the circumstances change. People make relationships more complex than necessary. And yes we all do catty a representative in our every day life whether it be in a relationship at home, work, out with friends, etc. The best thing I can add to this awesome post is to be yourself at all times and accept growth and change, for we where created to evolve!

    Keep posting this real talk my lady, for reality checks are a bit harsh but reality is what it is ;)…..


  2. A lot of times women be trapping these dudes with guilt. When people change I call it the 6 month clause. For the first 1-2 months you still doing things to impress the person and feel them out. The next 2-5 months things start to level off and at the point you become a little more comfortable with the person and feel certain things don’t need to be done anymore. The last month is where things turn around and you may have your first argument if you haven’t already at this point. This is where most people find out if that person is really for them if they make it 6 more months after that turning point. A lot of times some go a little further but don’t always end up good. Females need to realize that once a dude has had the chocolate chip “cookie” he knows what it taste like. Yea, he may want it a few more times but then he will begin to say hmmm. I wonder how that Macadamia cookie taste, especially if that chocolate chip isn’t as tasty anymore..

  3. Great post and you must always do what’s necessary to keep the relationship fresh.

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