You Forgot Your Common Sense

Ahh wedding season

Do not wear flip flops- how much closer to bare feet are you trying to be? That noise is irritating and no one can turbo hustle wearing those things.  Leave the “wedding day Jay’s” at home as well.

Yes, you’re expected to bring a gift or monetary value to cover your plate, think of it like a regular date night.

Now in regards to the above, dear couple getting married- stick to a wedding within YOUR. ACTUAL. BUDGET. Stop looking for the money to pay bills you blew on something you can’t afford.

Get the clinical strength deodorant if that tux/dress has been rented. Put some on the night before AND the morning of.

Don’t hit on the bridesmaids. Don’t smash the groomsmen. This is not a place for you to find your future spouse if you happen to cool, but don’t go with the intent of looking.

Re-think the venue if this place doesn’t have A/C.

Stop letting your pastors freestyle.

If you picked your outfit based on tattoo locations, change clothes.

Yes, people are chosen to be in the wedding strategically based on looks. Either you’re really cute and will make great pictures, or really ugly and will make the couple look better.

Wedding party- please incorporate a nice pair of comfortable shoes into the reception wardrobe- the flip flop rule applies to you and if you don’t leave those dingy slippers at home!!!

Please just walk down the aisle, doing the wobble, that step/bounce combo, ballroom, hustle, the zigzag thing all need to be taken out back and shot.

Don’t start a dice game.

No open bar does not mean you get to ask to take any of the bottles home afterward.

The reason children are sent home around 10 is for their own good, you try explaining to a child why their “aunt” was “acting like that” and pulled her skirt up and had “uncle parts”…