Real friends will tell you if you smell- unless you’re leaving the gym or long day of hard manual labor. Real friends will subject their own nose to your armpits, breath and anything else to figure out the funk.
Real friends will tell you that your “album” or “mix-tape” sucks and suggest a new career field.
Real friends don’t come running to tell you when they’ve seen the person you’re dating with someone else, but they will take a picture.
Real friends don’t let you drink alone- *ahem* to the person that told me to just go to the gym the other day when I wanted to drink…
Real friends will swiftly turn you back into the house if you come out looking like you don’t own a mirror.
Real friends won’t even let you buy certain clothes- less risk you will try to wear them out in public.
Real friends don’t let you drunk text/call people- but they will hand you a remote control or play phone so you still think you’re doing something.
Real friends don’t leave you passed out anywhere.
Real friends are there to sneak you out of your ‘Walk of shame’
Real friends don’t let you take off your shoes and walk around a party/bar or anywhere barefoot (unless you’re on a beach)
Real friends tell you when you’re gaining weight uncontrollably – they will still love & accept you but they are going to tell you.
Real friends will find a way to sneak you in & out of any situation.
Real friends don’t let you sleep with more than 2 members on a sports team – you get one from offense and one from defense, choose wisely.
Real friends don’t let you “do something strange for a piece of change” or *in the Kevin Hart voice* “Suck d*ck for moneyyyyyy*
Real friends don’t let you go home with the ugly duckling from the party.
Real friends will tell you that you’re walking like a baby deer in your heels and suggest you just stay seated.
Real friends will tell you you’re a gold-digger them help you figure out how to be better at it.
Did I miss anything??