Playing the role of a character I don’t know

First let me say, no one is actually “afraid” of strong, independent women, most people just don’t understand. As most cases of fear.

Being a woman in today’s society is not only hard but confusing! We grow up being told and taught not to “need” a man, only to be questioned why we don’t have one later in life….

We’re taught “slut shaming” before we even know it had a name, don’t wear this, that’s too short, too tight, too revealing and it gives guys the wrong impression… (at some point we have to start teaching young men, no matter what a female is wearing she deserves respect and for you not to shame, grab, gawk, whistle at or cat call and DEFINITELY not to rape, but that’s another conversation.)

Don’t be clingy, but be affectionate. Be firm and stand up for yourself, but don’t be a b*tch. Don’t depend on others when striving to achieve your goals, but let a man lead. Don’t ask for permission-live your life to the fullest, but make sure you ask your s/o what he thinks of you cutting off your hair first. Travel and see the world, but do it before you’re married because someone has to cook and maintain the house.

Growing up I was told what to do, how to do and when to do, then after you’ve been “trained” you’re dropped and have to be INDEPENDENT.

I was taught how to change tires, oil, spark plugs, jumpstart the car, change the battery and most of the belts.  Get a job and have your own money to support yourself, but don’t make more than him., You’ll need an education, ambition, know how to cook, and work out… all for the man up until I was told I “didn’t need”.

I was just talking to a friend who told me “you’re a good supporter but refuse support, and it’s off-putting. You don’t let guys be “guys””. I didn’t even know what that meant! What is a guy supposed to do? Especially when I’m fully capable of doing most of the stuff on my own, and the things I can’t do, I get can usually hire someone to do.  Not because I’m intentionally trying to take your job away, but when you’ve been taught to handle stuff for so long, it’s not even a second thought that I have turn to you to do anything, the things I’ve been taught, and have been doing before you got here.

So I don’t think I “scare” men, I just don’t have much for you to do- you know it, and I know it. It’s not on purpose to emasculate you, just when you’re taught from you’re knee high to be “independent” and not to need anyone (a want is fine, or the “get someone who compliments you”) its a bit off putting for someone to come in and want to disrupt your routine (sometimes getting in your way). Women get used to doing stuff a certain way, and yes it’s irritating when people don’t do it the way you want it done.

The unfortunate part is, there seems to be no balance, you either teach your daughters independence and “not to need” anyone, or how to be an old-fashioned, damsel in distress, nothing wrong with either. I have a hard time “letting” anyone do anything for me.


Description: Image result for some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry



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  1. When men meet you they know everything you are capable of doing because they can see you doing it. They may even admire you for taking care of what needs to be done without depending on someone. However, a true man will want to protect and provide and when they can’t do that there is no use for them in your life. A married woman told me, it’s not that we can’t but we step back to allow the man to feel needed, to stroke their ego, to let them be who they were created to be. Letting someone else help doesn’t mean you are weak or incapable.

    It’s like work, when you give people assignments it is not because you cannot do the job but because you want your employees to feel needed and appreciated. People work best when they are needed and appreciated.

  2. I totally get it! Learning to be interdependent can be tough. I’ve tried playing damsel in destress but I felt awkward. There are times I wish I had male help with certain tasks but I buck up and go do it myself.

  3. That comment ^ is me. WordPress be tripping!

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