Man Laws…

Grilling is the manly choice for all forms of cooking. Anything can be grilled. Even birthday cake

The testicles are sacred. They are the source of our power, the inspiration of the code and the link to future generations. They are to be respected and protected.

Thus, the assault of one man on another man’s testicles shall only be employed in situations of life or death. In a fist fight or other non-lethal altercation, testicles remain off limits. Only when you fear the loss of your own or another person’s life may you use an attack on the testicles to dispatch your aggressor.

You will NOT tell on your friends- sure way to get your ass whooped.

Every man’s toolbox is custom for his interests and needs, but every man must have the following in his toolbox: Duct tape – For when it moves but shouldn’t. WD40 – For when it doesn’t move but should

A man’s zipper is his own business.If by accident, you notice another man’s fly is down, you didn’t see anything. It was your imagination. 

No man shall ever turn down free beer because “it’s not their brand.”

Guys don’t twerk- ever, for any reason.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

Guys don’t hang with their boy’s girl if he isn’t around.

If you miss the high five on the first attempt, no re-attempt can be made in a manly way. Accept defeat and move on

In all situations, it is a man’s duty to protect himself and those around him.

A man purse is still a purse.

If a man is seen or known to be physically abusing a woman or child, it is your duty to recruit enough fellow men to whoop his ass. The Testicular Protection code does not apply, and you are allowed and expected to inflict any amount of pain possible in order to subdue and inform the man of his transgressions.

You will always provide an alibi- you ARE the alibi.

 

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3 Comments

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  1. Lmao! Truth to the duct tape and wd-40! And yea the testicular orbs of power are always off limits. But whats wrong with speedos? They are rather comfortable (when you got the right ones) and cut time from your swimming. Plus the ladies get to see the outline of my 3rdLegKickstand its a win win for everybody!

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